So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
