Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
