I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
