what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
