I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
