It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
