Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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