I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
