i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
