No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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