Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I need to align my fucking chakras
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
