so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
