Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize