You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
