Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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