sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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