my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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