she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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