He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
