One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
