someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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