which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
