Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
