I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no, he came in my armpit
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize