dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
