i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
