She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
