Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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