My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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