Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
