'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
