So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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