I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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