I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I faked an abortion last night.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
