I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sponge bath it is.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
