Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
