Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
