My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My feet surprised me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
