You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
