My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize