Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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