when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
