me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
