im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize