sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
