The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
