Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
