but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
that may or may not have been my penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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