it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize