Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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