"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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