just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
