The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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