it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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