There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize