I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
