Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
