I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
