You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
