He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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