Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
false alarm. still invincible.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize