i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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