If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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