All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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