Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
