she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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