The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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