is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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