So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
