Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
