That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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