ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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