stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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