You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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