Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
