no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
