ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize