so explain again why im purple
no
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
