Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
