Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
