i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
