Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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