I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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