He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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