dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
