You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize