every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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