if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
