i jhust puked up my retainher.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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